You're Losing Salt. Deal With It.

Your body is a leaky vessel of electrolytes. Every workout, every hot day, every time you exist with any enthusiasm—sodium escapes. saltworks exists because biology doesn't care about your hydration goals.

Get Salty

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What Is This

I've always had what I generously call "salty super powers." For most of my life they stayed dormant — only activating at peak inconvenience. Job interviews. The dentist chair. Sex. Anywhere the universe thought "you know what would make this worse?"

Then I started playing basketball. Daily.

Turns out, when you actually use your body regularly, the cooling system kicks into overdrive. And my cooling system doesn't do subtle. We're talking headbands you can wring out like a wet cloth. Spare shirts as standard inventory. Primary, secondary, and sometimes tertiary waves — because apparently my glands like to send follow-up regards after I've already cooled down.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped fighting it. I started noticing things. Like the grid of tiny droplets that appears on my triceps right when things get serious — my salty wings activating. Like a mech venting heat after combat.

And last time I checked, mechs are fucking cool.

So here we are. SALTY — a small monument to everyone whose body runs a little wetter than spec.

The MVP

A brief appreciation of the headband.

There's a reason athletes have worn these since ancient Greece. It's not fashion. It's flood control.

"From Greek taenia to Fred Perry towelling gear, the mission has always been the same: keep the flood out of your eyes."

Without a headband, my face becomes a waterfall approximately seven minutes into any activity. Eyes sting. Vision blurs. Strangers grow concerned. With a headband, I'm a functioning human who can see the basket.

The post-session wringing ritual has become almost meditative. The volume that comes out should not be possible. And yet.

If you produce at industrial scale like I do, the headband isn't an accessory. It's infrastructure.

Why Humans Won

You're Built Different. Literally.

The Weird Advantage

Millions of years ago, our ancestors looked at the African savanna and made a choice that seemed insane: chase animals until they collapsed. Not with speed—we're pathetically slow. Not with strength—a chimp would wreck us. With something weirder.

Endurance.

While every other predator sprints and rests, sprints and rests, early humans just... kept going. Walking. Jogging. Following. For hours. Sometimes days. Until prey that could outrun us in any short race simply gave up and died of exhaustion.

The Cooling System

Here's the biological cheat code: humans are the greatest heat-dumping machines the animal kingdom has ever produced. We have more cooling glands per square inch than almost any other creature. We can regulate core temperature during sustained effort in ways that would kill most mammals.

This is why a human can run a marathon in the desert while a horse would die trying. This is why persistence hunting worked. This is why YOU exist.

The Cost

But nothing's free.

All that magnificent temperature regulation comes with a price tag: mineral loss. Sodium, potassium, magnesium—your body ejects them constantly to keep you cool enough to survive. It's a feature, not a bug, but features need maintenance.

Your ancestors survived because they could dump heat.

You thrive because you replace what's lost.

Every serving of electrolytes is a tiny tribute to the salty, stubborn, magnificent weirdos who chased antelope across the savanna until the antelope quit. ur welcome

The Basics

Electrolytes. Not vibes.

When it matters
Heat. Effort. Stress. Daily life for high-output units.

What you're replacing
Mostly sodium. Also potassium and magnesium. Water carries the system. Minerals make it run.

How to use it
Start early. Small and steady beats one heroic chug.
If you feel weird after effort, water alone sometimes isn't the fix.

Safety line
If you've been told to restrict sodium for medical reasons, don't freestyle. Ask a professional.

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Field Reports

Real stories from the saltworks facility.

FIELD REPORT 001: BUS OF SHAME

Situation: Packed public bus. Pretty girl sitting across.

Trigger: Post-basketball cooldown.

Symptom: Face running at industrial output. saltworks in full public view.

Fix: Stop acting like I'm dying. Start acting like I'm equipment.

Lesson: There's the main event… then the secondary wave after cooldown… and occasionally a tertiary wave timed specifically for maximum social discomfort.

Tagline: Keep the puzzled looks. I'm the one living in this body.

Contact

Email the facility:

We read everything. We reply when the operators are not in the field.

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